the road to perfection.

I was thinking of writing something about everyone's right to education -inspired by the Indonesian movie Laskar Pelangi that I watched last night. But I still have a pile of transes to go through so I'll reserve that discussion for another time. For the meantime, something from my old notes:

THIS is the road to perfection,

01. One starts off with little or no knowledge or skill on a certain subject.

02. One then tries to build this knowledge through education (training the mind of abilities thereof). Curiosity, enthusiasm and eagerness to learn are important catalysts in learning and expanding knowledge. Caution must be observed though, as too much desire to achieve perfection could lead to an intense fear of committing mistakes that would then lead to an inability to do anything. This could be compared to writing in a notebook for the first time. There is an strong desire to have one's notes and penmanship to be so perfect that one end up not writing anything down.

03. Once a steady foundation of knowledge has been made, application of the said knowledge is crucial. For it is through practical application and experiences gained that techniques, styles and skills are acquired. Little by little, knowledge and skill on that particular endeavor develop.

04. And from that barren lot, one starts to build a sky scraper higher and higher to the clouds, towering over the others, reaching the limits of the sky, achieving the point of perfection.

journal.

IN my earlier posts, I have mentioned that I have been keeping a journal. Yes, I did and it proved to be helpful. Unfortunately, someone found it and read it (note: it contains some information that I dare not let anyone know about) and, sad to say, that was the end of it. I am planning of keeping a new one but to safeguard it against nosy people, I decided to write in a different language. Problem is, I am not yet that fluent in the said language and thus, can't write that much yet. Now, if only I could find time to master the language amidst my busy schedule. sigh.

what now?

I started this blog three years ago and this would be my 34th post -not quite active, I might say. It such a pity that I no longer have the time (and motivation) to write something down. Nevertheless, let us give it another try.

So, what now? Well, a lot has already happened since the last time. Here is a run down of things.

• It is my second year of med school and it has been hell. Well, to be honest, I haven't been exactly studying since around second sem of last year. I would usually just browse my lessons hours before the exam. The result? Half-baked-short-term-knowledge-just-enough-to-pass. And now, I am suffering the consequence, I find it hard to understand the basic patho concepts because I was not able to master the normal concept. 
• But since I am slowly regaining my old passion back, I hope for the better. :)
• The reason for such positive change? A. Yes, it's A + I again. Everything is just fine, even better. We celebrated two nights ago and honestly, one of the best nights ever! Thank you!
• Nevertheless, it is just sad that A will be living the country in a couple of weeks time. He'll be out for a couple of years. sigh. But I'm willing to wait.
• Finally, I am starting to get involved in stocks. Well I don't have a portfolio yet but I am attending seminars and reading books on it. Of course, we (A and I) have to start early if we want a comfortable life where in we could do the things that we want without having to worry about our finances.

In general, seems to me that everything is uphill from here. <3

med school.

How I am everytime I try to study

I never thought medical school would be this hard. Intelligence is not enough. It must be accompanied with due diligence.

They make it hard on purpose.

There are lives in our hands.

- Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

comic strip from: http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive/phd1120.gif

that nagging feeling.

HERE I am again, crippled by that intense fear that I might not be able to accomplish the things that I set out to do. As I mentioned before, I am very ambitious. I want to be a lot of things: documentarist, biologist, geologist, physicist, lawyer, soldier, doctor, political analyst, diplomat to name a few. The thought of growing up and opportunities closing scares me.

On a positive note, could this be a sign that I am having my old idealistic passionate self back?
There 's so much to do in so little time.

streets at night.

ONE thing that A and I have always fought about is my late night trips, whether it be commuting home or simply taking short walks in the city. He can't understand my desire to do so given that it is quite dangerous. In fact, I have been robbed with a knife pointed at me once. Truth be told, the reason I do so is to remind myself of why I wanted to be a doctor, why I wanted to excel, why I wanted to make a significance contribution to society.

Amidst the splendor of Manila's skyline at night, deep within its streets is poverty -evidence of the growing inequality between the rich and the poor.

Nevertheless, they say that if one get immersed too much in a certain condition, one becomes desensitized to it. I have been working as a volunteer medic for more than a year now and have encountered numerous patients suffering (may it be due to their own doings or not). I am coming clean that there are times that I would wish for an MCI just for the rush of it. There are also times that I feel vexed rather than compassionate towards the patients. Over time, I came to see them as cases rather that as patients.

I went to medicine because I wanted to help alleviate pain and suffering. I wanted to make a change in society. And this is the main reason why I walk the streets of Manila at night -to be able feel compassion and sympathy once again. To be the great doctor that I want to be.

Something a colleague of mine once said, "You are not going to be a good doctor, you are going to be a superb doctor".

*photo not mine

time to start anew.

AND now a new chapter in my so called LIFE. Time to stand up and resume the battle that I have started.