ring. ring.

TWO years down.
Many more years to go.

Here's to our happy ever after!

I love you my dear.
always had. always will.

and his back!

TOGETHER again after a year! <3

charisma.

Edited repost

“CHARISMA is a primal energy, a sexual energy, a spiritual energy." If you accept that definition, then we all have it. The question is not can I have it, but what are some of the ways in which I can access this energy to bring more out of me and connect more people to me?

Indeed. Here are four ways we can all get a bit more charismatic, starting today.

1. Hone Your Hidden Social Signals.
“Honest signals” refers to the nonverbal cues that social species—like us—use to fine-tune our communication. Interestingly, they actually impact the person you’re talking to. In other words, the more happy and upbeat you are, the more so your conversation partner becomes. There are biological functions that transfer the signals. “If I’m happy, it almost literally rubs off on you.”

2. Be a Better Reflector
Be more energetic. Talk more, but also listen more. Pick up better on cues from others, draw people out by asking questions, and get them to be more outgoing.

One strategy is mirroring: tilting your head the same way or imitating the stance of the person you’re talking to makes the two of you more empathic, more in sync.

3. Quit Being So Polite
Common ground is, in many ways, a wonderful thing,. The singular quest to find it, however, is not. It puts a strain on a conversation. Common ground means you will like me. You will not feel uncomfortable. More importantly, common ground means I won’t feel uncomfortable. We will have a pleasant and neatly bound conversation. And, yes, it will remain ever so predictable and fake.

Instead of discussing the weather, go a level deeper. When we reveal something personal, it gives our listener permission to do the same. It is oversharing, but the more risks we take in being vulnerable, the more people are drawn to us because we seem real.

4. Show More of Yourself
Think to yourself, ‘What are some unexpected things going on in my life that are appropriate to share?’ In fact, the two biggest liabilities when it comes to unleashing charisma are not being curious about the person you’re speaking to—and not sharing enough about yourself.


When it comes down to it, charisma comes from authenticity and we do ourselves a disservice by not showing up as our whole selves. “A lot of us have so much hidden inside that we don’t reveal,”

I Lost My Love in Baghdad: A Modern War Story.

IT was love at first sight –the moment they first laid eyes on each other in the Jerry Springer party, they already knew.

Andi Parhamovich was still working with Air America at that time while Michael Hasting, a journalist from Newsweek was bound to go to Iraq in a few months time to cover the war. Soon, they’ll be thousands of miles away but before that, they’ll both agree to take a leap of faith and try to make things between them work.

Every night, every dinner, was a day closer to the day I was leaving.

She’s mad that he is leaving. She doesn’t want to talk to him. But at the same time, she also want to make the best of their remaining time together. Mixed feelings. I’ve been there –like the hundreds and thousands of others who are also caught in the bittersweet thing we call long-distance relationship. When A left for Libya, I was really frustrated. Hindi pa nga tayo nakaka-recover sa nangyari nung summer, ito at iiwan mo nanaman ako mag-isa. But of course, I can’t stay mad at him, his doing it for our future and I would want to make every minute of our time left worthwhile.

And it wasn’t just the distance that I was worried about –it was his safety. It may not be Baghdad in the middle of the war but it was post-war Libya –less than a year after Gaddafi’s death. The country was still in turmoil, divided into pro and anti-Gaddafi. Firefights between the militias and the former government were still rampant.

Eventually, the long distance, the worries and the little fights took its toll and Andi decided to follow him. She resigned from her job and joined the International Republican Institute (IRI) then later, the National Democratic Institute (NDI).

Dear Angels dear God dear universe
Please let me get this NDI job.
The NDI job will work out fine.
I am protected by light and love.

Now, Andi didn’t do this solely for MH. She was young, idealistic and passionate. She had the genuine desire to bring about change and make the world a better place to live in. The world is her oyster; she had so much promise in her. When they said, she followed her heart to Baghdad they weren’t only talking about her fiancé but also her passion.

17 January 2007. After meeting with the leaders of the Iraqi Islamic Party (IIP) –the persons whom she would be working with to help make media and public affairs more accessible to Iraq, all hell broke loose. Her three car convoy (she was in the second car) was ambushed. There were speculations that this was a set up. After all, the ambush took place just outside the IIPs headquarters –the guards didn’t do anything about the attack happening just a few steps from their doorstep.

Intelligence said that the insurgent group responsible were Islamic jihadist with ties to Al Qaeda. They were known for torturing, kidnapping, raping and then eventually beheading Iraqi women. Their initial plan was to kidnap the blond American girl with blue eyes.

After pounding the cars with bullets, they tried opening the door to get Andi but they couldn’t. Instead, they rolled a grenade under the car to blow it open. The gas tank caught fire from the grenade explosion and  in a matter of minutes, the car was engulfed in flames. Twenty minutes later, NDI security then later a US Patrol came to respond but it was too late for Andi and her Hungarian bodyguard who tried to cover her body from the bullets and the fire.

There is no body. She is not what you think. What is left is not recognizable as a man or a woman. It is ugly. It is not her.

It is sad to think what a human being can do to another human being. It is sadder to think that the persons who did this were the same ones Andi hoped to help when she went to Iraq. I remember back in college, at the time that I already knew that I wanted to be a doctor, I was considering taking forensic pathology as my specialization. I went to the library and borrowed a book on forensics. As I browsed the pages, I become disgusted –not at the appearance of blood nor rotting flesh but at the things people can do to others. Thousands of people wanted to become doctors, sacrifice years of studying, endure long hours of work just so they could help prolong and improve the quality of life of others. And here are people, doing exactly the opposite. Years of hardwork, down the drain with just a strike of a knife or a quick trigger of a gun. It takes so long to build a life, a relationship, a career and it just take a second to finish all that. Sigh. Well, after all, were just bags of flesh.

pressure!

I saw this on the news:
High school student devised a cure for cancer

I think I should start doing something ASAP!

diagnosis.

ACCORDING to my doctor, the diagnosis is... THYROIDITIS. I will be taking anti-thyroid meds for 6 weeks followed by another thyroid function test. At the end of the year, another ultrasound just to make sure the nodules haven't grown nor multiplied.

Whew!

diagnosis?

Patient M.S. 23/F came in with palpable nodule on the anterior left side of the neck.

Seven months prior to consultation (January), patient noted her weight to be around 55kg. Three months later (April), she noticed a decrease in weight, dropping down to 47kg. Patient denies any change in normal eating habits nor daily routines. She also denies experiencing any acute disease nor depression during the time. Following the  unexplained weight loss , patient started complaining of easy fatigability, anorexia, palpitations and mild tremors. 

A month prior to consult (June 15), patient had a thyroid function test and an ultrasound done. The result are as follows:

Thyroid function test

FT3 =  6.54 pmol/L (4.0 - 8.3)
FT4 = 12.91 pmo/L (9.0 - 20.0)

TSH = < 0

Thyroid ultrasound

R lobe: 3.98 x 1.09 x 1.15

L lobe: 4.55 x 1.54 x 1.62

Both lobes are slightly enlarged showing multiple hypoechoic solid masses measuring about 0.55 x 1.13cms and 0.88 x 1.06cms (right) and 1.08 x 1.49cms and 1.15 x 1.44cms (left.
Isthmus and adjacent vascular structures are unremarkable.

Two weeks later (June 28), a repeat thyroid function test was done. the result are as follows:

Thyroid function test

FT3 =  4.72 pg/mL (1.71 - 3.71)
FT4 = 1.33 pg/dL (0.70 - 1.48)

Three days prior to consult (July 9), a thyroid scan with radioactive iodine uptake was done. Result are as follows:

Thyroid scan

Radiotracer distribution is homogenous with decreased tracer uptake in the superior and inferior portions of the right lobe and in the medial and lateral portions of the left lobe.

Thyroid uptake of iodine-131 at 2hrs is 8.2% (5 - 15%) and at 24hrs is 30.2 (20 - 45%).

Interpretation: Nonhyperactive goiter with probable cold nodules and/or fibrosis in the superior and inferior of the right lobe and in the medial and lateral portions of the left lobe.

Diagnosis?

define discipline.

IT'S 0606H and I'm already hungry. By now, I am thinking of quiting my Ramadan vow. I'm already late for class, I still have a case to work on and tons of readings to do. It is hard to concentrate on an empty stomach. Nonetheless, I just remind myself of the millions of Muslims (and among then, thousands of doctors, nurses and medical students) who are also observing Ramadan.

I asked F yesterday the rationale behind this practice and she told me that it is humbling one's self, ridding one's self of pleasure and understanding the suffering experienced by others.

The focus of Ramadan is self control; being able to control one's impulses (such as negative emotions and want of food and sleep) in the midst of hardship.

Ramadan Mubarak.

I have not yet converted to Islam nor can be considered a believer. As it is, I'm still agnostic. Nonetheless, I plan to joining the millions of Muslim brothers celebrating Ramadan this year.

Why? Well, because Ramadan "is a fasting of mind and heart. It's the time of the year to recharge -fast from bad thoughts, words and actions, and challenge one's self to be a better person for the rest of the year."

I take this as an opportunity to improve myself, a time to reflect and assess my being. And so, by the end of this month, I aim to be more responsible with my thoughts, words and actions. I aim to be more compassionate and just. I aim to be a better version of myself that would be useful in helpful alleviate the problems of society and make the world, a better place to live in.

Happy Ramadan!

annalysis.

Whenever I feel indolent, reading anna oposa never fails to make me want to stand up again and do something. She is just so passionate with the her work that it is not hard to get infected.

I know I have so much more in me to help make the world a better place to live in. But at times, I get too caught up with all the drama of my life that I forget about the bigger picture. Nonetheless, you only fail when you stop trying.

The youth, more than any other stakeholder, is THE driving force of development. Because the adversities we face are greater, the solutions and efforts are far greater, more passionate, courageous, resilient, creative, and [insert positive superlative here]. Last time I checked, only dead fish go with the flow.

Enough of that “the youth is the hope of the future” bullshit. We are the leaders of today.

Check out her site:

http://oposaanna.wordpress.com

http://annaoposa.ph

boeuf bourguignion.

I stumbled upon the book Lunch in Paris: A Love Story with Recipes by Elizabeth Bard a few weeks ago. It a memoir of a young American woman caught up in two passionate love affairs--one with her new beau, Gwendal, the other with French cuisine.

I love France -the culture, the architecture and the cuisine. Now, I myself have am not a kitchen person. The only dish that I could cook (aside from frying hotdog + egg) is sinigang na sardinas. I tried cooking it for A once, and he never stopped making fun of sinigang and my cooking skills ever since.  

Reading Lunch in Paris, I decided to give those pots another shots. The finish product, tada... Boeuf Bourguignion

Here is the recipe I got from the book. I decided to skip the braised onions and sautéed mushrooms.

Boeuf Bourguignion
Ingredients
   4 slices bacon 

   3 lbs lean stewing beef

   1 carrot 

   1 onion

   2 cloves garlic

   2 tbsp all-purpose flour 

   1 tbspn tomato paste

   1 sprig thyme

   1 bay leaf

   Coarse salt and ground pepper

   3 cups red wine

Procedure

1. Cook bacon uncovered over medium-low heat until browned, 10 to 15 minutes. Transfer bacon to a paper-towel-lined plate; set aside. Reserve bacon fat.

2. Season beef generously with salt and pepper. Dredge beef in flour, shaking off excess. Raise heat to medium. Brown beef in bacon fat on all sides, without crowding. Transfer each to a bowl.

3. Pour 1/2 cup water into pan; bring to a boil. Cook, stirring, to loosen browned bits, 2 to 3 minutes.

4. Add onion and garlic, until slightly softened. Add tomato paste.

5. Add carrots, meat (with juices), wine, thyme, and reserved bacon. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer over low, stirring occasionally, until meat is tender, but not falling apart, 3 to 3 1/2 hours.

6. Skim fat off surface of stew; discard. Stir Roasted Mushrooms and Pearl Onions into beef; season with salt and pepper. Serve

just go!

C'mon. just keep on going.

live classy.

edited repost

BEING CLASSY is defined as having or reflecting high standards of personal behaviour; being admirably skillful and graceful.

Being classy is about cultivating respect. And that means respect for everyone, including yourself. Take care to be polite to others and to reflect a genuine interest in them. Be confident in yourself, dress how you want and act accordingly.

Being classy is being selfless, generous, compassionate and responsible. Class is all in how you come across, how you present and express yourself without having to tell people that you're classy.

01. Be authentic. Live in a way of which you should be proud. A person of honor and integrity never needs to hide behind a facade.

02. Be independent. Be courteous, but do not bend over backward to please others. If you do, you may find yourself being taken advantage of in the future.

03. Be assertive. Avoid passive-aggressive thinking; this is likely to trip you up eventually. Assertiveness demonstrates maturity, thoughtfulness, and confidence.

04. Don't feign knowledge.

05. Treat others the way you want to be treated.

06. Don't insult, gossip or slander. When necessary, voice your opinions appropriately and constructively.

07. Choose your battles. Choose your friends. Few battles are truly worth fighting. Stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves. Be wary of those who appear to enjoy bickering. If someone is rude, treat them with polite disdain - be polite but let them subtly know that you don't appreciate what they are doing. Never stoop to their level, and do not be hasty. Surround yourself with positive, polite people who encourage and live your classy, intelligent lifestyle.

08. Choose your words. Listen more than you speak.

09. Seek wisdom.

10. Be open to personal development. Do not berate yourself, but be receptive to constructive criticism. Be positive and flexible. Face life rather than burying your head in the sand.

11. Be knowledgeable and aware. It is wise to become politically, culturally, and religiously aware.

12. Know when to ask for help, but avoid desperate behaviour. Only desperate times call for desperate measures. Take a deep breath, be strong, and move through the situation with elegance and grace. You will be the victor for it, no matter the outcome.

13. Be responsible. Be considerate.

passive-aggressive.

ACCORDING to Wikipedia,

A passive-aggressive behavior can manifest itself as learned helplessness (in which one has learned to be helpless because proactive behavior is useless), procrastination, hostile jokes, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate/repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible... a passive man does little to get what he wants as it is too much effort to do so, and ranges from the inept "loser" type to the conformist who does anything to be liked, avoids making waves and rarely says what he feels.

gulp. guilty on five counts.

time to change.

better not forget.

poor prognosis.

I am losing it again.
This time, I no longer want to fight it.
I just want to let go.

honor excellence.

Life is way too short to settle for anything less than what we truly want. The only way to embrace your potential is to stop settling. We are only limiting ourselves and wasting our precious time. The moment we begin to settle in the most important roles of our lives is the moment we begin to die a slow death. Excellence is a place where people who refuse to settle for mediocrity live; it is where one reaps from all the hard work sown. It is a journey of continuous progression toward the goals in your life. 
- Ashley Fern

* photo not mine

cup of coffee + good book = bliss.

IT has been ages since the last time I got caught up reading a good book.

So, how do you know when you're reading a good book?
  If it can tickle your interest.
  If it can make you think.
  If it can give you a rush of emotions.

“The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours” 

― Alan Bennett, The History Boys

social sciences + medicine = public health.

YES, I am a medical student and yes, I am also a Social Science graduate.

I took up Political Science as my "pre-med" -if you could call it that. When people hear this, they usually ask me, Is it hard shifting to the medical/natural sciences? Do you consider your college degree such a waste? Would you have wanted to have biology or nursing etc as your "pre-med" course? 

Well, yes it was hard to study the medicine at first. The way we study the social sciences is very different from the "hard" sciences. We don't usually memorize but rather, we understand and conceptualize theories and frameworks. Nevertheless, I don't consider this as a hindrance to me becoming a doctor. In fact, I even deem this as an advantage on my part. Being trained in the social sciences, I am able to see things at a larger picture. I understand the interrelatedness of individuals, societies, states and the international community.  

To reiterate what Dr Jose Rizal once said, Ano ang kanser ng katawan kung ikukumpara sa kanser ng lipunan? And so, as a doctor, it is not enough to just rid the body of physical ailments. He must also learn to heal the society. In medicine, we answer questions such as, What causes the disease? How can we cure the disease? How can we prevent the disease from coming back? On the other hand, we in the social sciences answer questions such as, How can more people have access to the cure? What are the obstacles in delivering healthcare? What could the government do to improve healthcare in the country? I guess, the diagram above pretty much sums up the role of the social sciences in the field of healthcare.

And this my friend, the melding of social science and medicine, is what we call PUBLIC HEALTH.

why i hate school but love education.

"EDUCATION is about inspiring someone's mind, 
not just filling their heads" -Katie Lusk

north and south.

AFTER Vietnamese, R and I went on another food trip. He is fond of Asian cuisine and so, we tried out Chinese restaurants (on different days) this time.

The first one (together with Al) was a Northern Chinese restaurant. They pride themselves with their authentic hand-pulled noodles (and yep, their noodles are amazing!) We ordered lamb dumplings, dry noodles and black fungus with jellyfish.

Make sure to take A here.

The second restaurant offers Hainanese (Southern China) delicacies. We ordered their special Hainanese chicken rice, dumplings and tofu. The chicken was actually good especially when paired with ginger + soy sauce.

During the course of the meal, I told R that I have trouble identifying taste. Sure, I like food as much as the next person, however my taste buds are really bland. I even have a hard time distinguishing fries and burger from McDo and Jollibee!  

He made taste a couple of sauces and told me that it's not the I cannot distinguish taste but rather, I don't put enough effort to isolate taste. This reminded me an article I read about mindful eating.

"Mindful eating is not a diet, or about giving up anything at all. It's about experiencing food more intensely — especially the pleasure of it."

Hmm. I will try these on my next meal.

* photos not mine

answer to my plea.

I have mentioned in my earlier post that I have been caught up with another mini mid-quarter life crisis -torn between pursuing my ideals and being with the love of my life; career vs family. Well, the answer came in just in time. Here is what A told me, without me even asking him:

Mahal ko, think of this. Kung ano man ang plans mo for your career, all out support ako diyan. Do what you want kasi kung kelangan kong mag-adjust, mag-aadjust ako for you, ok?

life lessons from a memaid.

RECENTLY, I have been caught up with another mini mid-quarter life crisis. I am torn between pursuing my ideals and being with the love of my life; career versus family. B has already told me before that the both are not mutually exclusive and it is possible to balance the two. But then again, at the end of the day, there will still be compromises. And so, again, I roamed the online world looking for answers and inspiration. Then I stumbled upon this blog.

Anna Oposa took up BA English Studies in UP Diliman. In between her job as freelance writer and public speaker, she saves the marine world, one shark at a time. She is the co-founder of Save Philippine Seas. Here are some life lessons from the Chief Mermaid herself.

1. Traveling will show you how much you know and how much you have yet to learn.

2. Losing your job could be the best thing that could happen to you, if you choose to see it that way. The more time you spend with the wrong job means less time with the right one.

3. Make friends with people you wouldn’t normally make friends with.

4. As your network expands, keep your oldest friends closer. They loved you before the titles and awards, when your socks were too high and you hadn’t discovered eyebrow threading. They will keep your feet planted firmly on the ground.

5. People will judge and people will talk. Put your earphones on and focus on doing an excellent job. Work harder than anyone you know. Submit on time. Rehearse and time your presentations. Don’t just prove them wrong, prove yourself right too.

6. Your dreams and ambitions can be overwhelming. You will get panic attacks and doubt your capabilities. Breathe. Fear reminds you that you are on to something important. But do not wait for conditions to be perfect. The only way to begin is to begin.

7. Evaluate the professional and personal growth that work can offer you. Do not be afraid to say no to certain opportunities. Really. Choose a few things that you can excel at, as opposed to many things you can be mediocre at.

8.  Relationships are complicated –that’s why there’s no “in a simple relationship” option. They need work. Swallow your pride every now and then. Learn to say sorry and learn to forgive.

9. Stop hitting the internal snooze button, because every excuse is already a choice to fail. 

10. If you don’t know what to do for the rest of your life, stop worrying because you’re not gonna find it–it will find you. When it does, you will no longer be the one reaching for the stars, they will be reaching out for you.

prawns and more.

I received my first ever salary today -Php 3 9792. It is a little lower than I expected but it's better than nothing. To celebrate, I treated R to a Vietnamese restaurant. I ordered marinated prawns and grilled pork with fried rice. A bit expensive if you ask me but hey, it's nice to treat yourself once in a while. (Note: must ask A to cook this for me.)

During the course of the meal, I told R about my many plans. He told me that the key to success is to focus on a particular dream. Nonetheless, I told him that I have lots of dreams and that I intend to achieve them all. Just to recap, here they are:

- set up an organic farm

- put up a library

- secret garden civil *ehem*

- and finally, live happily ever after with A.

I'll get there, one step at a time.

*photo not mine

words.

WHEN I was younger, I used to like writing -nope, not LIKE but LOVE. I loved writing and poetry and literature. I even have this little notebook before wherein I would write poems and such. I also borrowed books from the library and devoured them to my heart's content. I used to memorize poems and join declamation contests. And back then, I believed I was pretty good. I was associate editor of our school newspaper. I participated  in press conferences and even won 2nd place in Feature Writing.

Alas, a couple of childhood issues and insecurities later, I stopped. I gave up writing all together. I still do read poems and books once in a while, but I have confined myself to technical writing instead.

Events in the past months have caused my childhood issues to resurface again and I told A the whole story. Needless to say, he gave me a boost of confidence and encouraged me to do the things that I love which includes writing. And so, you'll be hearing more from me soon.

To my no. 1 (and perhaps, only reader A), thank you so much for supporting me. I am the luckiest person alive for being loved by you. I love you too, my dear. I hope to hear from you soon!

summer break.

WHEW! A little more than half into my summer break and a lot has happened already.

First off, I got entangled with J and A earlier this year, forcing me to take leave from my beloved volunteer group. Well, I am glad that the issue has been resolved. But of course, I can't go back yet. Not until all wounds have fully healed. I do hope that I could return someday. Sigh.

Well, to keep myself busy (and to earn money as well), I took on a summer job -two actually. One is as a sales and service representative (posh way of saying call center agent. haha.) and the other is as a researcher analyst in a security magazine. It turns out they're actually more stressful than I thought -time-consuming, energy-draining and sleep-depriving. But nevertheless, it's actually nice because I am learning something.

Also, we're currently doing our med school research project. And so, in between the jobs, I am doing fieldwork. We're still in the initial stage so it's not that heavy but I do expect my schedule to busier in the coming days. I also applied for a scholarship so there are a lot of paperworks that I am preparing right now.

In addition, I am currently staying in Diliman, sharing quarters and bunkbeds with my brods. I am actually forgoing the luxuries of having clean bathrooms, spacious bed and continuous internet connection in exchange for secrecy (my parents don't know about my jobs).

I also planned to finish scanning and copying the Pocket EMS handbook and G&A and study USMLE Step 1. But I guess, those have to wait.

crunch. crunch. crunch.

twenty-three.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

my plea.

PLEASE grant me the courage to stand up and face the challenges in front of me. Please give me the wisdom to make the right decisions. Let me be equipped with the necessary will and strength to be the best that I can be in this which could be my finest hour.

don't quit.

C'MON, you were in a much worse situation last summer. At least this time, you have A with you. I know you can make it. Don't give up. Just breathe.

perplexed.

I am deeply bothered. People admire me for my unconventional way of thinking, for my heart that yearns to serve, for my dream of alleviating the problems and society. And yet, the ones who frown upon me for doing so, are the people who matters to me the most.

deeply saddened.

EVERYONE should at least have the capacity to pay for their basic needs. Education is a right not a privilege.

http://www.philippinecollegian.org/upm-freshman-commits-suicide/

distance.

6 660 miles, 1 year and 6 months
-that is the distance that separates us.
sigh.

down to 200.

I shall remain strong.

counting coins... 785.

WITH so many things happening right now,
I would surely wilt if I began to cry.

welcome 2013!

INVICTUS
William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.